I'm on this constant quest to "find myself" and as I've already noted in some of my past posts, Cambodia is just the place to do such things. Just when I think I'm set in a forward direction, I begin to doubt myself, such as was the case last week. I've sought to figure out the true me through writing, working, church and traveling, but this week's source of enlightenment came from a Feng Shui book.
I found the book in the back of my friend Boly's car, and jokingly asked him if he was looking to redecorate. But as I skimmed the pages, I found the book to be more of a Chinese astrology, future telling, how-to sort of book. Though I wouldn't make major life decisions on things like this, I'm always curious to hear how one would "read" me, be it through my sign, aura, stars, or in this case, my number.
Over the weekend, Boly and Bandol took me to this very Khmer restaurant "over the bridge" (the bridge being the Japanese bridge that crosses one of the rivers ... I'm not sure if it's the Tonle Sap or the Mekong) for lunch. You sit on mats on the ground and can fish with homemade wooden rods. While the boys fished and napped in hammocks, I let feng shui reveal myself to me.
The book told me I'm a 6, and am I ever! Sixes are represented by the element metal and are natural born leaders, who have a an outgoing spontaneous side, but also need time every once in awhile to "retreat to their mountain." They are also highly self-critical so they don't take criticism well and need a little ego massaging every now and then. My family symbol is father, meaning I can be the driving force behind relationships and people can find me to be a little intimidating. Interestingly insightful.
I also learned from this book what sort of month and year I'm in, which really put my situation into perspective. According to the book, I'm in the "winter" year of my life. While things might appear dormant (i.e. I can't find a job, I'm not even sure what I want to do), I'm actually preparing for the next big step. (Do I see a more prosperous 2009 in my future?) To make matters even more depressing, I've also been in the winter "month," which, it said, could mean I've had trouble communicating to people lately. (I can't explain it, but it makes sense.)
While I'm not putting my faith in this book, the Chinese really had something going with this whole numbers thing. After a tough week (I'd like to call it the 2-month Cambodian settling, where the adrenaline has died down and life can be seems normal and frustrating) this gave me some sort of reminder of who I am and told me to settle down because "spring" is just around the corner.